


you would never know (what's behind my skull)

by kalpa



Series: the sun will rise, and we will try again [2]
Category: Bandom, Real Person Fiction, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Blurryface, Fluff, Healing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Illnesses, Romance, Sad, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, Self-Harm, Sequel, Suicide, Violence, post-mental hospital, self harm tw, suicide TW, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-08 22:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6876757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalpa/pseuds/kalpa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Dun is out of a mental hospital, and is set on keeping it that way.<br/>Tyler Joseph is out of a mental hospital too, but will he be able to cope with Blurryface and the oncoming stress of both a relationship and the start of Josh and his band?<br/>Alternatively Known As:  the start of Twenty One Pilots, and the end of Blurryface.<br/>----<br/>Sequel to 'im trying to sleep'<br/>- discontinued until further notice -</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back ? (back again)  
> HELLO~~~~!!!  
> it is I; kalpa! due to high request, this is the sequel to 'im trying to sleep'.  
> of course, if you really want to understand this story and how it relates to the original, go and read that. but im pretty sure you can understand this without reading the original.  
> this took me like a week to pump out because at first i cracked down on it, but then i had an existential crisis for a couple of days on what i should do with this story. so if you want the story to be done, its done! but if you want more, here's more.  
> of course, here's a list of trigger warnings!  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> violence  
> schizophrenia  
> self harm  
> suicide  
> THANKS!!!

Tyler didn’t really know where to go. He wasn’t sure if he should go up, or go down, if maybe he should step left and then right. The directions were confusing when all he did was stand in the middle of a line and look around, blinded by dark thoughts and voices he’d shoved in between the tiles of a mental hospital. There was no definition of what left was, or where it would lead, so he would look right, but again, there was no definition and no way to see. 

So he simply stood and counted the number of times he blinked, the number of breaths he took. Once the light came up from behind him, he looked back, and found his definition in red hair and worried eyes. 

“Tyler?” Josh breathed, voice barely above a whisper. He was wearing his pajamas; an old, ratty t shirt with MCR on it, and pants with penguins on them. The mess that was his hair was the only bright thing in the entirety of the room Tyler had entered, and so he focused on it, eyes narrow and lips drawn tight. 

“Yeah?” he whispered back, voice barely audible among the shadows that drew him in nice and tight. Josh licked his lips, looking around the room before reaching for the lightswitch. Tyler frantically grabbed his wrist, yet once he felt Josh’s warm skin he drew back. His hand felt as though he had been stung, and so he stood up straighter in the middle of the room, unsure of where to go. 

He could either go forward and find whatever was waiting for him in the shadows. Or he could go left and find the wall, following it until he ended up in the corner. Right was submerged in the shadows like every other way, yet it felt more cold upon his lips when he whispered its name. 

Then there was stepping backwards into warm hands and hesitant lips, saying what he wanted to hear and not what needed to be said. There could be fingers in between his own, holding his hand to his chest to feel his heart’s beat instead of Blurryface prodding in his head. And Tyler wasn’t sure if his hand fitted those fingers, stretched wider and wider as he tried to hold himself together.

So he simply stood. 

He couldn’t count the stars. 

 

Tyler sat outside of his small apartment, head balanced on his hands as he looked up at the sky. The sun was setting, casting a brilliant array of warm colors across the cool sky in such a way Tyler questioned whether or not he was living within a painting. He hoped he was, because at least things were planned and ended up beautiful, mixing with the water to create beauty within strokes and lines. The lines on his wrist weren’t pretty enough to be in a painting however, so he assumed it was still reality.

But the sun taunt him with possibilities in which were impossible. It was a cruel joke Tyler had learned to laugh along to. 

The sun hit the horizon, and he slowly stood up, retreating back into his ‘home’. It wasn’t very amazing, in all honesty. But considering that his dad was in rehab for his drinking issue and nearly drinking himself to death, he had nowhere to go. Josh had offered for him to live in his house with his parents, but Tyler had refused.

He couldn’t handle getting into a fight with Josh and still smelling his body wash in the bathroom where he retreated to hold his head under the water and sing his old songs. Where would he go other than the roof, its height a frightening reality upon the soles of his feet? Would he duck under the sheets that smell like his shirts, or would he hide in the closet, its stuffy walls closing in on him as he hid from his thoughts scratching at the wooden doors?

The solution was that he lived separately from Josh. He could provide for himself with his job at a local music store, a place where he felt safe under the touch of vinyls and the slowly dying CD. Its pay was good enough to get him his groceries, medicine and rent, and so he was happy. Insurance from his mom and dad helped get him weekly therapy sessions, a requirement after being discharged from Tree Pine.

And despite living by himself, having a job and a “boyfriend”, Tyler still struggled with the voices in his head. They would wake him up in the night, licking his scars with the metal of his razor and the taste of his pills. Yet he always spit them out into the toilet, laying his head against the cold tile as he prayed and prayed for forgiveness, for another chance. 

He didn’t know when his chances expired, but he had a feeling it would be coming too soon. 

Tyler took a seat at his piano, placing his finger along a key. It played softly, echoing throughout the walls of his apartment. He was thankful the one neighbor he had enjoyed his music, requesting it constantly. Despite Tyler’s pleas for no neighbors, his landlord had required for someone to be next to him due to his history of suicidal tendencies. The neighbor had volunteered, apparently, and had tried to become best friends with Tyler. 

His name was Brendon, and he was a twenty-something college student attending the local university. He always left in the mid afternoon and returned at nine, sometimes alone and sometimes with other people. Tyler sometimes listened to him perform his own music, sitting on the couch and paying attention to the lyrics as he counted the dots on his ceiling. The songs were sometimes optimistic, reaching deep into the chest to find whatever light it could. But other ones closed they eyes among the darkness, falling deep into the net of bad thoughts. 

When Tyler asked why he’d volunteered to be his neighbor who conducted ‘suicide watch’ on him, Brendon had just smiled and said, “I’ve been there, done that. Wouldn’t recommend it, kinda costs a lot.” Tyler couldn’t agree more. 

There was the sound of a text coming from his phone, and so Tyler dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone. The lockscreen was blurred due to a notification, but he couldn’t help but smile at the blurry lockscreen. It was a picture of Josh stuck in a tree after attempting to climb it, face terrified and body suspended in the air. Shaking his head, Tyler unlocked his phone and clicked on messages, surprised to see a text from Josh. 

_ Hey :) _

**Hey whats up?**

_ Come outside ;) _

Frowning, Tyler got to his feet, stepping out from his apartment. There were two floors to the apartment complex, and out front there was a deck that stretched from the first and last room. No one was on his area of the porch, so Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, looking around for a few moments in the slowly darkening area. Finally, he heard that soft beat of music, causing him to look over the railing of his porch, only to see Josh holding Taco Bell in one hand and a boombox in the other. 

Tyler couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight. Josh worked at Taco Bell part time, and he’d forgotten he was working that day. It’d become a routine for Josh to come over with Taco Bell after working, and they’d watch movies or write songs together. So it was an understatement to say Tyler was happy to see him standing out front. 

“Come on,” Tyler laughed, turning around to enter his apartment once again. He could hear Josh quickly bounding up the stairs behind him, the music being switched off as Josh entered his apartment. Even though Josh stopped by multiple times, he continued to make a face at the look of Tyler’s small, barren living space. Before he could open his mouth to suggest him moving in, Tyler grabbed the Taco Bell and smiled. “Quasalupa?” he asked, and Josh laughed. 

“Of course,” he answered, and Tyler looked back down in the bag with a small smile on his face. Josh constantly got him his favorites, even sometimes waiting a longer time for the employees to make his food fresh. He always got the Quasalupa, along with a Baja Blast, one of Tyler’s favorite things to drink. 

“Thanks,” Tyler thanked, and Josh happily smiled at him before wandering over to Tyler’s piano. There were papers scattered around it, both on the bench and on the floor. But there were a few pieces held up for Tyler to look at for reference when both playing and singing. Josh gently took them as Tyler began to eat his Quasalupa, watching him carefully. 

“Did you write more songs?” Josh asked him, and Tyler nodded as he swallowed his food. 

“Yeah, just a few though.”

Josh looked interested, taking the piece of paper Tyler had used as reference and reading over it. There was silence for a few moments as Tyler simply ate and waited for a comment from the other man. Finally, Josh looked up with wonderous, glowing eyes, looking as though he had finally found God or something cheesy like that. “I love this,” Josh told him, and Tyler smiled, looking back down from embarassment. “What’s it called?” 

“Forest,” Tyler told him, and Josh grinned that dumb cheeky grin of his. Tyler had to quickly look back down at his food in an attempt to hide his flushed cheeks, yet he knew Josh noticed. Josh always noticed. 

“Is it about that one time we all went into the woods and had that huge bonfire?” Josh asked, and Tyler laughed loudly, recalling the memory fondly. 

“Maybe,” Tyler replied quietly. 

Josh didn’t say anything except a soft smile that made Tyler think of the sky outside his windows, haunting him every day and every night with stars out of his sight. Josh put the paper back down without any more words, instead picking up the next one and reading over it again. 

“You’ve been writing a lot lately,” Josh observed, and Tyler nodded, putting his wrapper back into the now empty bag. 

“Yeah… I’ve been feeling the clouds floating in my chest and it’s been raining. So I’ve been trying to drain away the water into my fingers and it’s been working,” Tyler told Josh, and Josh gave him a long, worried look before nodding. Tyler knew Josh was constantly afraid of coming by and finding Tyler wading in red water with a blade clogging the drain, a note damp with water and void of piano keys to play. Tyler was too, but he wouldn’t tell him that. 

“We should go on a drive,” Josh suggested, and Tyler perked up at his words. 

“Yeah.”

By the time they pulled onto the deserted highway, the sun was barely lifting itself above the horizon, giving into the other half of the world pulling it down. The moon had made itself known, daring to peak down at them from the other side of the sky. Tyler greeted it, missing its absence. 

Besides the wind in his ears and drying his eyes, there was no sound. Sure, there was the engine and the tires rolling across the road. Yet Josh’s mouth was closed, and there was no music from his car radio. Blurryface was humming, a soft song that was barely audible under Tyler’s thoughts. 

It was perfect. 

“Do you ever think of it?” Josh asked on the hood of his car, sitting on the edge. The sun was dipping under the influence of the moon, once again retreating to the other side of the Earth. The colors it emitted displayed themselves proudly across the sky before ceding into a familiar darkness freckled with stars. 

Tyler didn’t look at Josh from the sky, and squinted. “Of what?” he asked Josh. 

“Of Tree Pine?” 

Tyler scoffed, adjusting his position on Josh’s car. He was laying down beside Josh, counting whatever stars were bright enough for the sky. “When the skeleton’s bones may be healed, there are scars of where it once cracked,” Tyler replied. 

He couldn't see Josh, but he knew the man nodded. Neither knew what to say as they both agreed, and Tree Pine could never leave your memories. It followed you around like you carried your scars on your arms and legs. You forget about it until you look down, until someone mentions it. And then you remember every second spent breathing under itchy blankets and strict rules meant to break you and eventually bandage your wounds. 

“I hated that place,” Josh told Tyler, and Tyler laughed. 

“Me too,” he said. “Me too.”

“Let’s never go back,” Josh told Tyler, and Tyler nodded.

Yet the aching from his legs begged to differ. 

 

Tyler counted somewhere near a million stars that night, and he tucked them in his pocket before crawling under his sheets and closing his eyes. 

When the nightmares of red eyes and blurry faces began to drown him with his bad habits, he reached into his pocket and showed them the stars. He described each one to his nightmares, and they shrank back into themselves at the lights. 

Tyler woke up on the ground. 

 

“I don’t see why you like me,” Tyler told Josh later that day, nursing a cup of coffee in his hands as they both sat at a Starbucks. The sun wasn’t high in the sky, anymore, yet it was in the stage where it was bright but slowly dimming as the hours wore on. Yet the sun did a spectactular job at showing the disbelief on Josh’s face, and Tyler ignored Blurryface’s humming growing louder in response to his expression. 

“Really?” Josh asked, and Tyler opened his mouth, ready to apologize for whatever he had done wrong. “No, don’t apologize. I’m not mad,” Josh insisted, yet the swirling anxiety in his chest remained. “I’m just… Do you think you’re...bad?” 

Tyler had to resist the urge to laugh. He was essentially  _ insane _ . If he walked up to someone and told them about Blurryface, he would be sent back to Tree Pine within a few minutes. Yet Josh stuck with him despite his insanity. “I’m insane, Josh,” Tyler said, and Josh rolled his eyes. 

“No, you’re not. You just have a mental illness, it doesn’t make you any more or less of a  _ person _ ,” Josh told him, and Tyler shrank back in his seat, looking down at his coffee. He disagreed with Josh, but there was no way he’d pick a fight with him over this. Yet Josh noticed his discomfort, and reached across the table, fingers brushed against Tyler’s wrist. Tyler looked back up at him with wide eyes at the feeling of his fingers, and saw that dumb, reassuring smile on his face. “Tyler, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ve dealt with Blurryface, and you will continue to. Just cuz you have him in your head doesn’t mean you’re bad or good or insane. It just means…it’s something you’ll deal with for the rest of your life. Okay?” Josh asked him, and Tyler nodded before looking back down. 

“I’m...not that great,” Tyler told him, trying to express the deep feeling in his chest. Josh sighed, and Tyler prepared himself for an argument or to be yelled at him. Instead, Josh’s fingers gently took Tyler’s, grabbing his attention. The sun played with Josh’s eyes, and Tyler ignored the fluttery jump in his chest. 

“I think you are,” Josh told Tyler, and Tyler smiled. 

 

When Tyler got him, he stared at himself in the mirror. 

One hour later, he was at the hospital, getting stitches in his hand. 

Josh drove him home, and when he went to take a leak, he noticed Tyler’s mirror was broken. 

 

Tyler moved into Josh’s house one week later. 

 


	2. friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler meets a girl, and deals with his demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first of all i fucking hate this chapter. i thought it was terrible. but i fucking love halsey and i had to add her into this story cuz i love her so much. she is the reason why i am bi lmao   
> second of all, if you guys wanna contact me for any reason ill leave ways to contact me in the notes in the end. im not allowed to go on social media so i cant message anyone via tumblr, facebook (idk who uses facebook still but) or instagram. so yeah.   
> third of all, here's the TRIGGERS!  
> TRIGGERS FOR THIS CHAPTER:  
> self harm  
> blurryface  
> schizophrenia  
> thanks! i hope u enjoy this chapter!

There was this girl who walked into the music shop where Tyler worked at every other day when the sun has long reserved itself for a nap and the stars came out for Tyler to map. She always wore a long, black coat that tickled her knees, hair bright blue as it cascaded around her sharp cheekbones and distant eyes. 

Her fingers often trailed along the cds and the vinyls, the coarse material rubbing up against her nerves in attempt to bring her down from whatever high captivated her. She would put one foot in front of the other in a walk that begged for power, and she often looked at Tyler from under her long eyelashes. 

Tyler never spoke to her, instead rearranging cds and taking stock. He often times took stock three times, pretending to be busy with whatever music landed itself in his hands. Yet even then, the girl’s bright eyes and pursed lips drew  him out of whatever self-induced haze he was in. 

The girl never bought anything, which sent an uneasy feeling crawling through Tyler’s stomach. All she did was observe. She observed Tyler, the music… 

It creeped Tyler out. 

She felt as though Blurryface had manifested itself into a physical form of a corpse girl with bright lips and dim eyes. He never told Josh about corpse girl, as he would become more worried than he already was. The guilt that connected the stars in the night sky Tyler had memorized continued to grow as more and more people walked into his life. There was now a continuous ring from the door as someone walked in, and Tyler couldn’t ask  them to leave. 

He couldn’t. 

“You work here?” Her voice was soft, almost ghostlike. The voice in which she spoke with did not match her bright appearance. It dipped up and under the water of noises, rippling across the surface between her and Tyler. 

It made Tyler’s skin crawl. 

“Y-yes,” he answered, and her bright red lips pulled itself up into a small, forced smile. Yet despite its force in appearance, the smile lit up her eyes underneath the bright fluorescent lights. 

She held out her hand, and Tyler looked at it as though it were some creature from the depths of hell for a moment. The girl laughed, and it sounded as though she were struggling for air. Blurryface stirred in the back of his head at the sound of her laugh. His awakening was uncomfortable; it felt as though his head had gone numb and sharp prickles were traveling through his skin and head. 

“My name is Ashley,” she said, and Tyler gingerly took her hand. Her skin was cold around Tyler’s, shocking him from whatever daze he had fallen into. Tyler looked from her eyes to her hand, and noticed scars peaking out from her sleeves. The realization made his heart leap up into his throat, even the coldness of her skin not being capable enough to shock him back to his senses. 

“My name’s…”

“Tyler,” she interrupted, and Tyler gave her a long, confused look before a playful smile twisted her doll-like features once again. Her hand separated itself from his, gently prodding his nametag. 

Tyler blushed, looking down at his feet with a coy smile. “Oh,” he stuttered, and Ashley laughed again. 

“Okay Tyler,” she teased, and he looked at her with a sheepish smile. Her eyes were bright, and her cheeks were red. With her apparel and her expression, she seemed even more like a doll, and a corpse just recently dead. Yet she seemed harmless, and almost as though she just wanted to be his friend. “Do you guys have Fall Out Boy?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said, turning and walking towards where the band’s CD’s were located. He thought to himself that it was a dumb question. Who didn’t have Fall Out Boy at their music shop? 

Ashley sighed and he looked at her over his shoulder, She was rolling her eyes. “That was a dumb question,” she giggled, and Tyler smirked at her comment. “Who doesn’t sell Fall Out Boy?” 

Tyler laughed, his throat hurting from the new and foreign sensation he’d only experienced with Josh. “Yeah,” he said, and he knew he and Ashley would be good friends. 

 

It was a busy day; something unusual for Tyler. He owed the crowds in the store to some band he didn’t know releasing an album, and soon they were sold out of the copies they’d ordered. The constant presence at the cash register eventually made Tyler’s palms get sweaty and his breathy get heavy, and another employee took over the cash register for him. 

When he returned from getting a cup of ice water from the back, he saw Josh and Ashley sitting at the counter, arguing over something. He’d told Josh about his new friend, and he’d seemed interested in meeting her. After all, Tyler having a new friend wasn’t as common as Josh would like. He thought Tyler should have more friends as it would help and be more healthy, but the knots his stomach constantly tied itself in prevented such a thing from happening most of the time. 

When Tyler approached them, Josh gave a big smile at him and they did a fist bump. Ashley looked genuinely hurt, yet Tyler knew she wasn’t. She didn’t get offended by a lot. 

“No handshake for me? I am  _ offended _ ,” she joked, and Tyler rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his water. 

Josh stuck his tongue out at her. “That’s because I’m Tyler’s favorite,” Josh teased, and Ashley looked at Tyler in mock surprise and sadness. 

“Is...is that true, Tyler? I can’t believe this! I thought...I thought we had something!” she mock sobbed, dropping her head into her hands. Josh broke out laughing and Tyler couldn’t help but smile too. He hid it with a long drink of water, however. Yet Josh noticed how his eyes crinkled from the smile, and he raised his eyebrows at him. 

“Busy day,” Josh pointed out, and Ashley finally looked up with wide eyes. 

“Yeah, some new album was released. Don’t know who though… But...  I heard rumors about Panic! At The Disco recording songs,” she told them as she took a sip of coffee, and Josh furrowed his eyebrows at her. 

“I thought they broke up,” he asked, and Ashely rolled her eyes,

“Oh, they did. But the main singer and some other guy continue their cause!” she joked, and Tyler set down his water, leaning forward on the counter. 

“Who’s that?” he asked Ashley, and she looked at him in such a way that Tyler was sure she assumed he was an imposter. 

“You mean to tell me you love Fall Out Boy, but don’t know Panic! At The Disco?! They’re classics! Who are you and what have you done with Tyler Joseph?!” she cried incredulously, and Josh raised his hand, getting their attention. 

“I won’t lie... I was too busy getting bullied in the 2000’s to really remember Panic. And Tyler here...  He was a smol bean at the time,” Josh defended them, and Ashley laughed loudly. 

“He still is,” she teased, lightly punching Tyler’s arm. 

Tyler rolled his eyes. “I know Fall Out Boy cuz I met their lead singer a year ago,” he told Ashley, and she nearly choked on her coffee. She looked at him with wide eyes, mouth open wide in shock. Josh laughed. “Well, I mean, we weren’t best friends considering that...ya know, I was locked up,” Tyler explained, and Ashley gave him a comforting look. 

“A smol bean being locked up… Well, I guess we can say you’ve come a long way,” Ashely offered and Tyler nodded. “Okay, but you guys seriously don’t know who the lead singer of Panic! Is?” she asked, and they both shook their heads. She threw out her hands in obvious shock with their ignorance, and said, “Brendon Urie!”

Both Tyler and Josh slowly looked at each other with wide eyes, and Ashley noticed. She leaned forward again, frowning. “What? Don’t tell me you guys were buddy-buddy in a mental hospital too,” she joked, and Josh raised his eyebrows. 

“Well…” Josh began, and this time, Ashley did choke on her coffee. 

 

The light of his desk was bright compared to the backdrop of the night sky, hiding the stars from Tyler’s sight. He had abandoned the pen next to his unfinished song lyrics, words scribbled out more than left alone for the final copy. The words hadn’t been welcome to Tyler, that night. The day had been fine with both Josh and Ashley’s company, but the moment he locked his door Blurryface had woken up. 

While he had meds and went to constant therapy, Tyler wasn’t anywhere near ‘cured’. Hell, he was sure he could never be cured of Blurryface, of his depression. He could do everything that was recommended and he would still wake up too late at night with his heart in his throat and the blades in his fingers. 

And nights like that night were supporting arguments for the idea he could never be cured or fixed. He had tried to cope with it like he’d been taught by both his therapist and Tree Pine. He’d grabbed paper and pen instead of his hidden blades, and scribbled down every thought. Yet even then he found mistakes and problems with his ideas, with his words. So he’d grabbed his blades and carved the words into his arms. 

Blurryface was no longer just in his head, but on his arm. 

 

He made a mistake. 

 

He made a mistake. 

 

Josh cried for three hours. 

Tyler threw his blades away. 

 

When Ashley saw the big bandaid on his arm the next day, she threw her coffee away, grabbed his hand and told his manager they’d be right back. Tyler had insisted he was fine, that she didn’t need to do anything for him. But she simply raised her eyebrows, and he shut up. 

They got into her old car, and she drove them to a place just five minutes away. It was an old recording studio, and she simply walked in. The people who worked there waved at her, and didn’t bother her with questions as she walked into a booth with her name on it. 

She made him sit across from her in the studio, staring at him with her calm, understanding eyes. “Why did you do it?” she asked softly, and Tyler shrugged, not daring to make eye contact. 

“Blurryface was back, and writing music didn’t help put him away,” Tyler told her, and she nodded, furrowing her eyebrows. Tyler looked up at her from under his brow with sorry and guilty eyes, muttering an apology.

Ashley shook her head, grabbing his arm softly. She pulled him up and gently shoved him towards the recording booth with a soft smile on her face, and he looked at her in confusion. “Sometimes writing doesn’t help, but screaming does,” she told him, and Tyler understood. 

 

They called the song ‘Be Concerned’.

There wasn’t as much screaming as Tyler wished. 

 

That night, Josh, Tyler and Ashley hung out in Josh’s basement, eating popcorn under blankets as they watched horror classics. Josh was awful with horror, constantly screaming and whimpering and hiding his eyes. Ashley took way too much pleasure in the horror movies they watched, yelling at people and throwing popcorn at the screen. Tyler, however, he just watched with morbid curiosity. He took notes of how people reacted to situations, to their lives being threatened by a weirdo in a costume with a knife. He wondered if he would run, or just accept it. 

And then he felt Josh grab his hand when a jumpscene made him scream and curled into Tyler. Ashley winked at him, popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth. 

Tyler decided he wouldn’t accept the knife. Not when Josh was holding his hand. 

 

Once Ashley had to leave because she was working early the next day, Tyler and Josh booted up the WII and began to play Super Smash Bros. It was a common activity between the two of them. In fact, they played it so much that sometimes Tyler had dreams of it, and he’d memorized the maps like he’d memorized the keys on the piano. 

Josh wouldn’t let him leave him in the basement, and told Tyler he was too scared to sleep by himself. He said he thought he’d be butchered while he slept, so after Smash Bros Tyler turned on MTV to watch reruns of old music videos while Josh tried to sleep. Tyler wasn’t tired, and instead opted to watch TV and sometimes Josh’s face while he tried to sleep. 

He wasn’t creepy, he swore. He just liked how peaceful and happy he looked while he was passed out, with his dumb hair all messy and snores coming from his mouth while he tried to sleep. Silently, Tyler wished he could curl up next to Josh and fall asleep too, and feel Josh’s warmth and feel his hands around him. 

But he knew he couldn’t. Josh and him were close, but how could he let him love him when he was so unstable he’d just cut the other night? He couldn’t hurt Josh again, not when he was already skating on very thin ice with his mental stability. 

 

That night, Josh stirred in his sleep, grabbing Tyler’s hand and pulling him down next to him on the cough. “Go to sleep, smol bean,” Josh whispered, and Tyler snorted. 

“I can’t sleep,” he said, and Josh opened his eyes slowly to look at Tyler in the eyes. 

“I just watched horror movies to find an excuse to hold your hand. I expect something from you now,” he joked, and Tyler smiled.

“Okay,” he said, and they both closed their eyes. 

 

Tyler woke up to a text from Ashley at 7 am. 

_ Did u use protection ? ;p _

Tyler rolled his eyes. 

**Next time**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!!  
> if u enjoyed this, please  
> LEAVE KUDOS  
> LEAVE FEEDBACK  
> thanks, ilu all!!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> if you want to contact me for whatever reason, here's ways you can !  
> reddit: kallpa  
> weheartit: @spacedog  
> if you want my email, then you'll have to ask for it via reddit or weheartit !  
> thanks~~~  
> have A GREAT DAY


	3. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Josh meet an old and familiar face, and celebrate a new development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello~~~  
> i actually kinda like this chapter~!!! much more than the last one anyways.   
> i probably won't be posting for a while because of Fallout 4 dlc and overwatch being released. what can i say...im a huge fucking nerd lmao  
> i hope u guys really like this chapter!!!  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:   
> past reference to suicidal feelings  
> alcohol  
> ENJOY!!!

 

Whenever Tyler had a break from work or was off from work he found himself in Ashley’s studio. He’d found himself spending so much time in the studio that Ashley and Josh had surprised him in there with a new piano and a new ukulele, which they’d saved money for together. To repay them, Tyler scrounged together whatever money he could find, even working overtime, to buy Josh a new set of drums. 

Josh totally hadn’t cried when he’d walked into the studio to see the new set. And Tyler totally didn’t cry when they finally played a song together in the studio for the first time together. 

The first song which they’d recorded was an old one that Tyler had written. The newer songs felt wrong to be playing for the first time, while the older ones felt more welcoming, more understanding. The old songs were their origin, where Twenty One Pilots all began.

Where he and Josh began. 

The first song that they’d played together was The Pantaloon, a personal favorite of Tyler’s. It’d always had a beat to it that made him fall deep into the keys he played, into the wave his voice tremored in the microphone when he sang. That, and Josh always looked cute when playing the drums, as he usually did. 

Josh always did a little dance when playing ‘The Pantaloon’ because of how catchy it was. The way the beat and the piano merged together into a flawless song always captivated Tyler, and he often times forgot he was singing. He just felt all his emotions, all the thoughts he had fall out of his mouth like a stream into the ocean. He was just a part of something much bigger, and he fell in love with that fact, with that feeling. 

He was surprised that when the song was done Ashley was not the only person watching them. A lot of musicians and producers from neighboring studios had wandered in, probably as request by Ashley. She was passionate about spreading their music, with getting them started and big. It was almost as though she shared their dream, and maybe even was more devoted with their cause than Josh and Tyler were. 

Tyler smiled a small, nervous smile before Josh patted him on the back with a big grin on his face. Tyler looked up at his expression with wide eyes, looking at how Josh’s eyes crinkled and his dimples stuck out. The small smile on Tyler’s face grew, and they looked back at the people watching them. 

Ashley spoke loudly from the speakers, soon after. “Good job, guys. I have a surprise too!” she squealed, stepping aside as a familiar face stepped forward. The expression on Josh’s face was absolute shock and surprise as his hand dropped from Tyler’s back, eyes wide and mouth agape. Tyler felt his heart stutter too, unsure of how to respond to the face peering at them from the other side. 

“Hello, Joshy Boy,” Brendon Urie said, and Tyler wouldn’t be lying when he said he nearly shit himself. 

 

That night, Josh, Tyler, Ashley and Brendon all sat a local bar together, beer in hands and smiles on faces as they shared stories and laughter with one another. Tyler had thought Brendon would be stuck up and difficult to approach like most other musicians, but instead being around Brendon was like being around Ashley and Josh. He was funny, smooth and welcoming. 

Tyler was able to calm down around all of his friends that night, and enjoy a beer or two without fear of embarrassing himself around Brendon. When Tyler did choke on his beer at first due to its bitterness, Brendon had just laughed and told Josh how lucky he was. Tyler had blushed pretty intensely after that, and even chimed n. 

“I’m more lucky than him,” he’d offered, and Brendon had waggled his eyebrows at Josh. Josh had punched his shoulder and rolled his eyes, gently taking Tyler’s fingers and intertwining them with his own. 

“How’d you know Brendon, Ashley?” Josh asked her, and she put down her beer with a mischievous smile. 

“Well...I may or may not have recorded you and Tyler practicing and sent it to him,” Ashley said, and Josh looked at her in shock. 

“How’d you get his number?” he asked, appalled. 

Ashley twirled her hair around her finger and smiled innocently. “I may or may not have memorized your phone code,” she whispered, and Josh quickly whipped out his phone and scrambled through his messages. After a moment or two of loud laughter Josh gasped and looked at her. 

“You minx!” he gasped, and Brendon patted him on his back. 

“It paid off. I’ll mention you guys to my record, and see what I can do. But…” he trailed off, and Josh and Tyler obviosuly hung onto every word he was saying. Brendon noticed it too, raising his eyebrows with a smirk. “I do need you to record some more songs,” he told them, and Tyler quickly nodded his head. 

“Whatever you need,” Josh told him, and Brendon smiled at him. 

“I’ll be in town for the next week. We all need to hang out another time,” Brendon said, and Tyler and Josh looked at one another with trouble in their eyes. 

“How about paintball tomorrow? Me and Tyler against you and Ashley,” Josh offered, and Brendon shook his hand as he took a drink of beer. 

“You have no idea who you’re challenging, Dun,” Brendon warned, and Josh smirked. 

“Sure.”

Needless to say, Josh and Tyler kicked their asses. 

 

It was 12 am, and Tyler sat on his windowsill with paper on his lap and a pen in his hand, watching the stars haunt him in the night sky. He was trying to think of a song to perform for Brendon, trying to find something that would guarantee them a record deal. 

The news of possibly being signed was still making Tyler’s heart race and his palms sweat. He’d figured that he would forever be doing odd jobs just for the money, and dying one day alongside Josh. He never had actually thought he and Josh would possibly become a real band, that they would see their music being sold. 

He knew that chance of them actually becoming big stars and being widely recognized for their music was still as far away as the stars in the sky, but he couldn’t help but imagine what life would be like. He and Josh could finally connect to a wide audience, to people who would sing along to their music and jump and dance in the crowd. It was a wild dream, and one he never wanted to wake up from.

There was a soft knock on his door that interrupted his thoughts, causing Tyler to look away from the stars. He knew it was probably Josh wanting to check up on him, a bad habit Tyler constantly told him to break. Tyler insisted he was just worrisome, caring so much he would wake Tyler up at 4 am just to make sure he was okay. 

Tyler put aside the pen and paper as Josh slowly opened the door, peeking into the room. Once he saw Tyler he grinned widely, entering the room and closing the door behind him. “It’s late, Tyler. What’s up?” Josh asked, and Tyler rolled his eyes. 

“It’s late, you say as you’re still awake,” Tyler teased, and Josh shrugged with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“Love never has a bedtime,” Josh replied, and Tyler shook his head with a ghost of a smile on his lips. Josh noticed and sat on the desk below Tyler’s window, leaning his head against his shoulder. “Whaddya think of this record deal?” he asked Tyler, and Tyler shrugged, looking back out at the stars. 

“I dunno… I think it’s crazy,” he admitted, and Josh rolled his eyes, snuggling closer into Tyler. 

“No shit. It’s crazier than crazy. It’s insane...to think we could be selling our music around the world. Imagine this,” Josh said, sitting up. Tyler looked over at him with curious eyes when Josh put up his hands. “‘Twenty One Pilots’ at Madison Square Garden,” he imagined, and Tyler scoffed.

“If we got that big I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself,” Tyler said, and Josh looked at him and then to the stars. 

“Good thing you have me then,” he cheekily said, and Tyler kissed the tip of his nose. 

“Good thing.”

 

The next day, Tyler was nervously clutching the microphone as Josh played around with his drumsticks. They were waiting for Ashley and Brendon to stop conversing whatever they were conversing, and to be given the okay to start performing. 

Tyler won’t lie; he may or may not have stayed up all night imagining his future with Josh and without Josh. He knew him and Josh lasting forever was both a possibility and not, and so he planned out each route. Obviously, he’d prefer to have Josh performing next to him for the rest of their band life, but he was sure MCR had the same idea. 

And then they broke up. 

There was a sudden voice out of the speakers from Brendon who said, “Okay guys. Ready when you are.”

Tyler looked over at Josh with nervous eyes, and Josh grinned and gave him a thumbs up. Tyler nodded, licking his lips as Josh started him. 

“You say things with your mouth…”

 

Their feet were hanging off the ledge as they tossed back beers and stole laughs. Tyler wouldn’t call it a party, but it definitely wasn’t calm and mild since Ashley and Brendon were there. It was more or less a celebration for Tyler and Josh possibly moving up within the music industry, but Brendon assured them they would probably, most definitely get signed to Fueled by Ramen. 

It made Tyler’s heart thump wildly and loudly in his chest as he sat with Josh’s arm around his shoulders, hugging him close and tight. Here he was sitting on the top of a building without the urge to jump and end his life. He owed that to this new life he had ahead of him, ahead of ‘us’; him and Josh. He owed that to the people partying and screaming and singing behind them, beers held high in the air as they were the successful youth living out the lives they’d wanted so badly to end. 

Abruptly, Josh jumped up and pulled Tyler to his feet. A catchy song had been turned on their stereo, and Josh began to dance. Tyler laughed, shaking his head as he was unsure of what to do. He couldn’t dance. All he could do was run around and sing, but not dance. That didn’t stop Josh though, who hit his beer bottle to Brendon’s. 

“Cheers to getting from knocking to each other in Tree Pine to knocking beers to each other as a record deal is signed!” Brendon cheered, and Tyler smiled. 

 

One week later, they were back on the roof, celebrating their record deal. 

Tyler’s lips hurt from how hard he and Josh had kissed, and his feet were sore from all their dancing.

But that was okay.

That was more than okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so as I did in 'im trying to sleep', im gonna establish a kudos goal  
> of this gets 60+ kudos, i'll post the next update. until then, no update!  
> sorry, but it worked really well last time!!!  
> if you enjoyed this chapter,  
> PLEASE LEAVE KUDOS  
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!  
> thanks, have a great day! <3

**Author's Note:**

> well i hope you guys enjoyed this!  
> if you like it, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! COMMENTS MAKE ME SOOO HAPPY!!!  
> if you don't like where this is going, TELL ME!!!  
> ALSO, LEAVE KUDOS!!!  
> thank u all very much! ilu frens!  
> have a great day or night!  
> <3


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